I look at the clothes laid out all over my bed. I got my old stuff out of the closet, and I'm now trying to put something together that can hide the shape of my body while still looking at least a bit good. Unfortunately, it's all oversized, and I didn't worry at all about my style back when I was still a man. The end result is that I have nothing I feel like wearing.

Ideally, I'll manage to make it through the whole evening without anyone realizing that I turned into a woman. This means I need clothes that can completely hide my curves without making me look like I bought the wrong version of the article by accident. That second criteria is where my old stuff fails, as I look completely crazy wearing it.

I sigh, then turn back towards the closet to see if there's anything I forgot in there, causing my eyes to naturally fall on the newer clothes I bought after my transformation. I got to experiment with them over the last few weeks, and I found quite a few combinations I really like wearing together. I even tried to subtly get Rimar's opinions by paying attention to how often he'd look at me with different sets, with great success. Unfortunately, any of them would immediately reveal how much my body has changed since the last time I saw my family, making them bad choices for today.

I look back at the clothes on my bed. They're... also bad choices. Am I really stuck having to look weird or suspicious at my sister's birthday?

I might be able to get a pair of jeans to work for my legs, but my torso is a more complicated matter. As I go over my options once more, I suddenly remember something: Rimar loves wearing hoodies, at least when it's colder outside.

I quickly walk to the door, open it slightly to make sure he won't see me in my underwear, then ask:

"Hey, do you have a spare hoodie I could borrow for the day? Ideally something that fits you well, so it'll look big but not giant on me."

"Uh? don't you have one already?"

"No, I always wear jackets."

I hear him walk to his bedroom and rummage for a bit before shouting:

"Is it fine if it's not clean?"

"As long as it's not filthy!"

I don't need to wait long for him to pass his arm between the door and the frame, handing me a plain, dark blue hoodie. I grab it and close the door as soon as he moves out of the way, finally ready to put my outfit together.

The jeans are too long, so I roll them before jumping back up in front of the mirror. Everything is oversized, but I still managed to make it look intentional, so I should be able to get away with it for today. My curves are hidden, I have a hood for my face, and I have the excuse of having been injured to get out of any awkward question. Perfect! Well, not really, but it'll have to do.

As I adjust the sleeves of the hoodie, I catch a whiff of a familiar scent. I sniff around a bit, not finding its source, until my eyes fall on the hoodie I'm wearing. Curious, I lift it over my nose, causing it to get entirely enveloped in Rimar's smell. My heart speeds up as I imagine his warmth around me, my thoughts going wild as I fully take the scent in.

I want to bury my face in his chest as he holds me close, to feel his body against mine as we lovingly embrace each other...

I pull the hoodie back down as my shame finally catches up. What am I getting infatuated for? Sure, Rimar is tall and good-looking and smells nice on top of being smart and caring and sensitive, but that doesn't mean I can fall in love with him!

My reflection informs me that my face has now turned completely red, so I put my hands on my cheek while taking deep breaths to cool down a bit. After a few minutes too many, considering that Rimar is waiting for me and that getting dressed isn't supposed to take me this long, I open my bedroom door wide open. He scans my outfit a few times, his eyes going up, then down, then up again, before nodding.

"Your face is still... a bit of a problem, but at least the clothes do the job."

I know what he means, but I still decide to tease him a bit:

"Hey! Are you calling me ugly?"

"What? No! I would never think..."

He pauses as he catches on, then smiles before riposting:

"So ugly, in fact, that we're going to have to hide your face from your own family!"

I smile and gently punch his arm, making sure to control my strength to not hurt him.

"I'm counting on you to help me keep that face hidden, okay? Don't let me down."

Taking a more serious tone, he says:

"Of course. Ready?"

"Ready."

We climb up the stairs out of the subway station, entering the residential area where we used to live as children. Since my apartment isn't big enough to host family events, I was here just a few months ago for my own birthday, before my transformation. I know that Rimar's parents moved a while ago, so he likely hasn't set foot here in years.

Thanks to the layer of clouds covering the sky, it's cool enough for the hoodie to be comfortable. I decide to leave the hood down for now, enjoying the wind going through my slightly longer hair as we make our way towards my former home. I've had fun playing with it lately, and I wonder what new options will become available to me if I let it grow longer... Maybe Marie was right. I'll have to think about what to do next time I get a haircut.

I also know that Rimar has a preference for girls with longer hair, so...

I shake my head and take a deep breath. I can't be making these decisions with Rimar in mind, I might send the wrong message! Although... what message do I even want to send him?

I glance sideways, allowing me to take a quick look at him. He's looking forward, walking slower than he normally would to help me keep up, something he only started doing after my transformation made me significantly shorter. Still, despite his best efforts, I have to go faster than what's comfortable to me.

If we held hands... would it be easier to adjust our speeds? Grabbing his now probably wouldn't be a good idea, it'd surprise him and seem to be coming out of the blue. It would also turn my face all red and I can't be sure I'd go back to normal before reaching my parents' place, so I'll refrain and speed up a bit more.

As we walk side-by-side, going through streets we've walked so many times as children and teenagers, I start wondering how things would have gone if I had been a girl from the start. Rimar and I would have met in high school, like normal, but things would have developed differently from there. Would we still have become friends? Could we have become... more than friends?

Images of that alternate reality start popping up in my mind. Sharing a class, bonding over our interests, seeing each other outside of school hours... and then becoming more aware of our opposite genders, cultivating our feelings without rushing out of fear that our friendship would suffer, then finally going to prom together and sharing a first kiss right before the night ends...

Ah, I ended up making my face all red anyway.

It's very unlikely that things would have unfolded that way, but I can play a bit with a past that didn't happen if I feel like it.

In this version of the world, I'm a man, even if I'm a woman right now. Any new feelings towards Rimar are just a result of that transformation and are thus temporary, so I can't allow myself to act on them. If I lose control, who's to say what kind of impact it'll have on our relationship? I just can't risk it. No kiss right before the night ends for us!

Still, what would happen if I just... kept the memoria? Is that even allowed?

We stop in front of the house I grew up in. From the outside, you'd never guess that there are six bedrooms inside, a testament to how efficient my parents were with managing the space they had. Thankfully, the living and dining rooms are spacious enough to accommodate guests, and some of the now unused bedrooms in the basement were turned into playrooms for the grandchildren.

Rimar looks at me for a few seconds, trying to get an idea of how I'm felling, before finally saying:

"Let me know when you're ready."

I slap my cheeks twice, then pull the hood over my head.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready, so let's get this over with."

He nods, and we finally start walking towards the door.

Each new step feels like one more mistake, with every part of me screaming louder and louder that I need to turn back, to find an excuse to go back home, to find an excuse to have never left home in the first place, to run away and never look back, to...

Rimar presses the doorbell, and a familiar sound behind the door pulls me back to reality. I hear frantic steps inside, immediately followed by the door opening to reveal a young boy. Tarin is the oldest of my parents' grandchildren at six years old, being my oldest sister's first kid. Looks like he took it upon himself to answer the door.

"Uncle Izei!"

There's no delay, he rushes to hug my legs as soon as he sees me. Just like I did on the phone, I push my voice down as far as I can before greeting him:

"Hey Tarin! You're on door duty today?"

He takes a few steps back before nodding and proudly declaring:

"I'll make sure no one has to wait outside!"

I smile and pat his head before finally moving inside. As I'm putting Rimar's jacket in the closet next to the door, I hear a familiar voice:

"Ah! Rimar! How many years has it been? Did Izei ask you to come with him?"

I turn around and see my mom coming down the stairs towards us, her arms spread wide, ready to hug us. Rimar goes first before responding:

"Yes. Because of the injury he sustained, he asked me to accompany him, just in case. I hope that my presence won't be too much of a burden."

"A burden? Nonsense! You're welcome here whenever you want! And what about my poor boy?"

I get closer, trying as best I can to keep my face hidden under the hood as I wrap my arms around her.

"Not too hard, I'm still recovering."

My mom gently hugs me, being careful to put as little strength in it as possible while saying:

"Of course, we wouldn't want to risk making things worse now."

I know that I'm an adult, but I still can't help but feel comforted by my mother's hugs. My heart calms down and my panic washes away, at least in part, during these few seconds.

As we move away, I hear my dad's voice coming from the living room:

"Izei! How's my favorite son doing?"

He's been making that joke pretty much since I was born. Well, I only have sisters, so I guess I really am, or at least was, his favorite son.

I climb up the stairs, finally allowing me to see my dad and Cila, my oldest sister. The former has even more gray than at my birthday, and the latter is holding a baby who's only a few months old. I know she's not that one's mom, which means that Ariciel, the third sister, is here too. Probably helping out in the kitchen, if I had to guess.

So two of my sisters have yet to arrive, and the other kids are probably downstairs playing together. Feeling a bit more relaxed thanks to my mother's hug, I sit on a couch, still being careful to not reveal any parts of my new body. Rimar sits next to me, helping me feel even safer. As I finally manage to breathe a sigh of relief, My dad bellows out a question I hoped to avoid:

"So, Izei, what's that injury all about? Is that why you're all bundled up this late into spring?"

Gathering my courage and going over the explanation I prepared in my head, I respond:

"Yes, that's why. We fought a really powerful fire monster, so I got burned pretty bad and broke a few bones in an explosion. The healers were able to keep me alive and spare me the worst of it, but I'm still recovering and I don't want everyone to see my wounds."

"I see I see. Dungeon delving is a pretty risky occupation after all, uh? It'd be best for you to get even stronger then, ah!"

While my dad is laughing at his own comment, my mom comes in from the kitchen with a plate full of appetizers, which she brings to us first before saying:

"Your dad is actually saying he hopes this won't happen again. And so do I. We're glad you're fine, but we got really worried when you first called us from the hospital."

"I'm... really sorry. I'll be more careful going forward."

Of course, I'm fully aware that I can't stop dumb people from provoking monsters, and I'll never be one to just run away and leave everyone else to fend for themselves so... My only real option is to keep getting stronger.

My mom nods as Rimar and I grab a snack each. From the kitchen door, Ariciel comes in with a different plate, which she simply leaves on the coffee table in the middle of the room before turning towards us.

"Izei! And Rimar, too? Long time no see!"

Rimar waves as I get up for the expected hug. Unlike my mom, however, Ariciel comes at me with full force, hugging me like she normally would. I feel her chest press against mine, which causes an involuntary squeal to escape my lips. Almost immediately, she takes a step back and says:

"Oh right! You're injured! I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?"

I can tell she's genuinely apologizing. I adjust the hoodie back before responding:

"I think I'll be fine, there's no lingering pain."

I wonder if she noticed my breasts... I totally felt hers, so it would make sense. But she's not saying anything, so I won't risk asking about it. Not that this helps me feel any calmer about the thought that she might have realized I'm a woman too now.

As I sit back down, I feel my anxiety levels shooting back up.